Triumph
by Sarah1281
Summary: Post 2X3 Cesare character study. At last he has had his chance and at last he has proven himself worthy of it, particularly compared to Juan's failure. There was time to revel in the triumph but then he had to figure out how to keep his opportunity.


Triumph

Disclaimer: I do not own the Borgias.

This is what success feels like.

Cesare had always imagined that it would feel something like this but the reality of it put his imaginings to shame.

He had so wanted his chance the last time the French king had come knocking on their door but he'd been told that no, that was Juan's job. Well Juan never even engaged the king and had to be saved by _Lucrezia_ of all people. Cesare had a good deal of faith in his sister but she'd had less training than Juan and was _pregnant _and had been a hostage at the time. Although clearly she'd still make a better commander of the papal armies. He hoped Juan had come to that realization himself. He had no idea what he'd have done differently that could have halted the French on their march to Rome but the point was that he'd never even gotten to _try_.

He'd missed his chance before but, while he would never wish Rome imperiled to satisfy his own need to prove himself, he had gotten another chance. Juan's foul and unnecessary murder of a man that Lucrezia had loved but was never going to see again had prevented him from taking command again. He rather hoped that Juan's spectacular and humiliating failure after last time would have stopped Juan from being placed in charge again but he _was_ their father's favorite, as he was so fond of pointing out. Or rather, his favorite son. Their father could never directly refuse Lucrezia anything for all that he had nearly destroyed her with that Sforza marriage that never happened.

Or at least Juan _had_ been their father's favorite. Dare he hope that that was changing?

Juan had been banished to Spain to take a Spanish bride. In the past, Juan's feelings about Spain and marriage in general had been made quite clear. In the past, their father had married off poor too-young Gioffre (younger even than Lucrezia who was only a child herself when she'd been married off) instead of forcing Juan.

But Juan had messed up and badly. If he was trying to avoid a scandal then he had failed. Juan had to know that he had been involved with the meeting. Did he really think that Cesare and Lucrezia were stupid? They knew that that man couldn't stay but one night and no more was not too much to ask and no one would have to know. Now all of Rome did and there was cause for speculation. Lucrezia's heart was broken as well and that was impossible to forgive. Cesare hadn't been pleased about that man's existence or his presence but he was man enough to deal with it and not lash out blindly.

Juan would have been useless against the French, even if his record wasn't so unimpressive. Juan jut could not tell a convincing lie. Even before Lucrezia had proven that her lover's suicide was anything but, they had all known that Juan was behind it. Their father, who hadn't approved of the meeting himself, was so outraged by the lack of believability in Juan's claim of innocence that he had climbed across the table to try and attack him. Lucrezia wouldn't have her child's father again regardless but this way she refused to eat or even move and her child's life was at risk. And his pretending that he had a strategy when their father had asked for dealing with the cannons…well, their father eventually realized that Juan had nothing worth anything.

If Juan had been facing down the French king with those cannons made of plaster he likely would have given the whole thing away before they'd even removed the banners. He wouldn't have been able to help himself and then Rome would have been destroyed.

But Juan wasn't there and Cesare had convinced them. He had asked for his father's trust and, for the first time, he had gotten it. Their father was the pope and should know what was going on but it was nerve-wracking enough for _him_ to know they were bluffing and their father was far happier not knowing. He'd looked like he might pass out after realizing the truth when the French were long gone.

And maybe his stunning success juxtaposed with Juan's miserable failure might convince him to let him out of the cloth now or at least let him use his soldier abilities. It had been annoying but not unexpected when the cardinals – the _other_ cardinals, he should say – had fretted over his lack of experience but while he was sure that that would have helped, it turned out he hadn't needed it.

He had almost singlehandedly saved the day.

He said almost because while he had been the one to convince everyone, the idea had been Vittorio's. Vittorio who was apparently Vitoria (or whatever her name was) and whose gender his father had been well aware of. There was one logical way that he would have known and so Cesare preferred not to speculate on such matters.

It was…strange, certainly, to knowingly treat a woman as he would a man but any woman who could save Rome was worth a little blindness in his opinion. His father would be angry if he did anything anyway (even if he didn't know who had done it) and he didn't want to turn into _Juan_. Besides, of all the corruption and deception he had seen – particularly since becoming a cardinal – this was hardly the most alarming, just the most unexpected. But then, she had practically announced it to him as though he and his father spoke of…they did not speak of it.

He could not stop thinking about it which was a welcome change from not being able to stop thinking about Sister Martha. He really should just stop going to see her but the fact that she was in _his_ nunnery made it a constant temptation and he avoided so many of those already. If he did not have sex with her and did not even kiss her – usually – than what harm was there? She might say otherwise but she was the one who had chosen that nunnery. It would not have taken long to make sure he had no connection with it so perhaps she really did not want distance as much as she said she did. If only it were as easy to break a nun's vows as a cardinal's.

Part of the reason he could not stop thinking about her was that Lucrezia made him think of her and she of Lucrezia. Perhaps that was what had caught his interest in the first place those miserable months when his sister had been so very cold alone so far away from him. But now Lucrezia was back and Ursula was a nun and he needed to accept it.

And he would. Probably. Suspiciously eyeing everyone else he knew who had no facial hair to see if they were _really_ male would keep him busy for a while.

And he had saved Rome. No matter how the rest of it turned out, no matter if he never got to leave the cloth or take up the sword again, nothing could change that fact.

He had saved Rome and he had the thanks of all of its inhabitants and the way that Lucrezia was looking at him made him feel like he really _could_ have beaten Charles in battles.

He had had his chance and he had taken it by the horns and succeeded better than he could have hoped.

He wasn't about to let this be the end of it.

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